My 12 commandments

To help myself improve my way of life, here's my very own 12 commandments. 

I'll try to abide. :P

5 faithful questions to ask yourself.

Life is all about making decisions. Some choices are simple, some are difficult. But when it comes to a difficult moment, you can ask yourself these 5 questions.

I'll be the guinea pig. The dilemma i'm facing now is whether to change job or just stay till my hostel is ready

What am I waiting for? 

First of all, after the Taiwan trip, it's too close to I'm say not going. Then, to wait for the right offer. 

What would I do if I weren’t scared?
I would probably have just quit my job and slowly spend time looking.

What steps would make things easier? 
Start sending my resume out to top recruiters once I'm back from TW. 

What would I do if I had all the time and money in the world?
I would start my hostel immediately. And then travel round the world.

What is the worst, and the best, that could happen?
Worst, stuck here or stay home without a job and got nagged by parents all the time. 
Best, found a job that can give me the right remuneration and yet, feel happy doing it. 

How well do I know myself?

If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more?

I guess, it would be less for me. I'm someone who sticks to the law. 

Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? Especially in control?

Perhaps, is food intake and health. I can be lazy when doing things for myself. :/ I need to improve my health!! In control will be my behavior and attitude. 

If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time?
I will spend some of the time with my parents, spend some time alone reading, relaxing, listening to music or perhaps even watching movies. To totally relax. 

Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment?

I believe, I can be both, either comfortable or uncomfortable. It depends on the degree of the disorder and what am I trying to achieve out of it. For example, trip without planning in details. I like to put things in order, I'll be fine on both situation.

Are you motivated by competition?
Human nature, yes. I am very competitive. But I choose the war to fight. I don't fight all wars.

Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself?
Hands up!

How much TV do you watch in a week (and yes, this includes computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)?

Every evening on weekdays, I spend time watching TV as a bonding activity with my parents.
Weekend Sunday will be a movie day as I spend time watching shows I like and bonding with sis.
So i would guess it's approximately 9 hours.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Definitely a morning person! I love morning sun!!!

What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?.

It varies from things to things. But I would say, saving time is more important to me than saving money.

Do you like to be in the spotlight?
I always think that I don't, but I feel that I do. So I would go with YES. I do. 

Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight, move to a new city?

Very much yes.
For example :

• Continue my work here until I have a better job offer or my hostel is ready. 
• Travel round the world when I have enough money
• Feel more sexy and confident once I lost weight.

What would you do if you had more energy?

I would do more exercises everyday. 

If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it?
I would either get sis to move into it or move into it myself.

If at the end of the year, you’d accomplished one thing, what’s the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?
Start the hostel. Really can't wait.

Fighting : Not Quantity, but quality that matters

According to Gottman's love laboratory, when it comes to fighting, how a couple fights matters more than how much they fight. Fight right will resolve things. Identify the problem, focus on it and fix it. Do not bring up all the past unhappiness and blow up the matter.

Remember, there is only LOVE.

Praise and or appreciation

It is very common that when we do something for someone, we are looking for praise and or appreciation from them. This is something that all human wants. To feel good. But when we expect and didn't get it, it will cause disappointment, unhappiness and even rage. 

So, instead of saying, 'I'm doing it for who and who.', tell yourself this 'I'm doing it for myself. This is what I want.' Then you will not be expecting and this can save you from feeling disappointment. 

When you are not expecting anything and you get some praises and appreciation, then you will feel extra surge of happiness. 

Still we must all learn to show our love ones appreciation and praises from time to time. :)

Time never stop. The sun will always rise.

The sun will always rise.

The time will never stop.

So why engross yourself in your pain and sadness? You feel hurt and pain when you fall, go ahead to cry and grief. But remember this. Don't prolong the grieving period. Time will never stop for anyone. Life is short. Seconds ticked by regardless of your mood. So why not put it to better use? 

So when the right time comes, recover, become stronger, stand up and start walking again. Cheer yourself up and be happy. Do something that will make you happy. 

“Depression, as far as I'm concerned, is just a waste of time.” ― Helen Reddy

“There is no beauty in sadness. No honor in suffering. No growth in fear. No relief in hate. It’s just a waste of perfectly good happiness.”  ― Katerina Stoykova Klemer

Persuading oneself

Going around for interview, I noticed a similar question that most interviewer would ask... "How do you excel in the things you do?"

I am surprised that they would ask such questions nowadays. So immediately I told them how I managed to do it. I persuaded myself. Yes. I did that. It happened when I was 14. You see, I am a playful girl at 13. Never bother about studies. (my parents are busy with their business to really pay attention to us) And so, my result is bad. My mid-year ranking in class is 34/38 students, the guy sitting beside me is making fun of me. But i simply doesn't care. End year came and I was ranked 32/38. So, slight improvement and I overtook the guy. I feel happy when he sulked. During the holidays, I started questioning myself. If others can do it, why can't I? Is it because of the friends i mixed with? Why are we not spending time studying rather than playing?

So when the next school term starts, I told my friends that I'm gonna study hard and to do so, I am gonna spend time with the top students in my class. So i apologize to them for being not able to spend time with them anymore and bid them goodbye. I approached and got accepted by the top student group in my class and I started studying with them. 

I also started telling myself to love the subjects, that it is fun and challenging. And 1 Sat night, i managed to sit myself down proper infront of a desk and read my text book. From page 1 all the way to the end, page by page; taking down notes and making sure I understand what I'm reading. 

And from then on, my results improved tremendously; to a point i was 2nd in class. 

The perfectionist who is contented

This is something that I've always thought about : How to balance being contented and being perfectionist. 

I always consider myself as a perfectionist although not a full fledged one. Because I can be contented as well.

This is something I've came up with during my secondary school years when I start being competitive. 

My Maths teacher asked me.. How much you wanna score for this test. I said 100%. (the perfectionist in me)

After the test, i scored only 87/100. I felt a little disappointed as I lost marks mostly to careless mistakes. Then my protective mechanism kicks in. I managed to convince myself to be contented that at least I scored an A. 

So actually self persuasion works. And with many benefits. Try it yourself. Tell yourself to love whatever you are going to embark on and you will excel in it. To date, I'm still applying this method. 

Walk for thoughts

Everytime i left my desk and walk to the washroom, my brain seems soooo alive and lotsa thoughts filled my mind. And when i get back, mysteriously, i can't recall some or my brain seems to stop being creative. I wonder why...?

So.. As Gretchen explained, studies show, that the repetitive activity of walking triggers the body's relaxation response and so helps to reduce stress; at the same time, even a quick 10 mins walk provides an immediate energy boost and improves mood.

So.. the next time I walk to the washroom, i'll do it slow and make it 10 mins for the energy boost and perhaps i'll returned a happy girl! :P But well, i really should start doing voice recording my thoughts down during my walk. 

And maybe discussion/brain storming session should not be done over coffee/table. Rather, a walk in the park might be more efficient. :D

Work

Someone once told me. "When you start to feel bored with your work and you do things in a autopilot way, then it's time to change job."

So, I guess it comes to this point in life when I need a change of job. I've been here for close to 6 years, during which, I grew with the company in terms of knowledge, experience as well as position. I learnt about colors which wasn't taught in schools beside learning how to spell and identifying them. 

Something so scientific and specialist, there should be alot to learn isn't it. And my boss has even laid out my career prospect for me. What i can do, how i can help him to build this business up. I do love to be the important beam of the company. But i guess, my interest in this topic maxed out. I'm someone who is always in quest of more knowledge. I love to learn. But i believe that I've learn as much as I should/need to for my position and it's time to start learning something else. 

So, my boss learnt about my situation and he is now offering me a more into operation of the whole business role. Handling projects in trimming the company to make it more lean, such as tidying up the production and inventory by introducing some management methods such as kanban and improve his marketing.

All while still helping him to manage and expand his servicing department. I love challenges and that's why I am pushing job offers away unless one that really is too good for me to accept. I have colleagues knowing that I'm looking for jobs and are trying their best to ask me to stay. And this is also one of the factor that makes me think twice before taking up any random job offer. Yet, at times, I feel so demotivated to stay on. 

My heart told me, I can just stay and work here. My colleagues loves me, my boss appreciate me. But my head told me otherwise. I need freshness. I need new challenges to engage my mind.

Well, all is not lost. I tell myself, my current situation is not bad at all. I continue to work on those few projects while I look for jobs slowly. Jobs that is worthy enough for me to switch and not just hop into any wagon that came along. I get to choose them now. I used to think that it's not about the money, but as me and my bestie has a business plan going on, money is also important to me. I need to make better decision base on that. 

But when the time comes when i finally snap, i might just settle with something of equivalent pay as to what I am getting now. Because, nothing is more important than being happy. And i rather go to work happy then to drag my feet to work while getting a higher pay. 

Changes...

We definitely need to change something to be happier! Let's start!

Not midlife crisis, but midlife Malaise

At any point in them, we feel dissatisfied about our lives, like something is missing, but also not forgetting how lucky we are. So, when we are feeling discontentment and disbelief about our current life... Are we going through midlife crisis? Nah. It's midlife malaise.

I do feel that my life now seems, mundane, something is missing that makes me happy. How good it will be if I have enough money to start my own business immediately. How good it will be if I can travel round the world without worrying about income and work. Then to make myself feel better, I started telling myself how lucky I am to be born with sufficient money, I have a happy family, I get to travel once in a while, that I'm healthy and happy, that I have lovely people surrounding me etc.

I have all the good things around me, yet I'm not appreciating them. So how can I make myself appreciate them and treasure them before it's too late?

We start by identifying what makes us happy. After spending some time thinking about it, i think the most important thing, Relationships (be it family, friends, lover etc) and my own Mindset and Energy. These are the most important things. Following by Livestyle, Work, Income etc.

Let's start changing things slowly, set achievable targets and improve. And 1 very important thing i need to do before i can be happier... that is to really do what i thought of doing. Don't wanna be the shy and quiet me. I wanna be more sociable, open up, more confident, able to talk to anyone. I need to be Me!


"All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end." - Blaise Pacal 

"Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence." - Aristotle

"We must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that be present, we have everything and, if that be absent, all our actions are directed toward attaining it."  - Epicurus

The big step into 3....

It comes to a point where we are no longer kids of yesterday. The big 3-O. So.. What is it like being 30? Questions started popping up...

What's next in our life? 

How different is it gonna be from our 20s? 

How can we improve it? 

What is expected of us at 30? 

What have we achieved so far? 

What should we be achieving?

Seriously, it's not gonna be any different than your life now, unless you start working on it. So.. Then you ask, what should we be working on? 

I've struggled with these questions as my own 3-O approaches. Since the beginning of the year, i've been trying to change myself into a better person. By experiencing things that I've never experienced. I've read somewhere that everyday, you should do something that you are afraid of to overcome it. So, i went to Macau Tower and did the unthinkable. I jumped down the world's highest bungy jump. I conquered it! And then, i came back and life seems to reset to square 1 again. 

During my trip to Hong Kong, I chanced upon a book, The Happiness project by Gretchen Rubin. And so, i picked it up, paid for it and brought it home. This morning, I started reading and then I've made up my mind...

Well, this time, I decided to work on My Happiness Project. 

So what is this Happiness Project? Why should we undertake this project when we are not unhappy ourselves? And happiness is different to everyone, so how do we determine our own happiness? How do we find time to work on this since we are so busy with our current activities?

According to Gretchen, it is an approach to changing your life. You don't need to be unhappy or depress before you try to make yourself happier. You can make yourself happier even when you are already happy. If you want to be happy, you definitely have to make time for it. Join me on my journey to embark on my own Happiness Project with reference to Gretchen's book chapter by chapter. 

There s no duty we so much underrated as the duty of being happy. - Robert Louis Stevenson